📜 Principia Fendersonica

A Completely Unnecessary Manifesto Inspired by the Style (not the seriousness) of Principia Mathematica

Definitions

Definition 1.
A Fenderson is an individual who insists that every obvious fact requires at least four lemmas and three cups of tea.
Definition 2.
If a Fenderson can explain something simply, they immediately become suspicious that they have made an error.

Axioms

  1. Everything can be formalized.
  2. If it cannot, invent more symbols.
  3. If symbols become unreadable, declare victory.
  4. Every proof is one appendix away from becoming a novel.

Selected Theorems

Theorem 1.
Every meeting containing at least one Fenderson lasts twice as long as expected.

Proof. Left as an exercise because the meeting is still ongoing. â–¡
Theorem 2.
There exists exactly one missing semicolon, and it will be found only after deployment.

Proof. Empirically verified. â–¡
Theorem 3.
For every elegant solution, there exists a Fenderson who proposes Solution++, requiring seventeen additional assumptions. â–¡

The Manifesto

We reject rushed conclusions. We reject short proofs. We reject diagrams that can be understood immediately. We shall derive breakfast from first principles. We shall prove coffee exists. We shall refuse to define "obvious." Our equations shall be longer than our emails, our footnotes shall contain footnotes, and every conclusion shall begin with, "After considerable abstraction..."

Corollary

If someone asks, "Could you explain that in plain English?", the proper Fenderson response is: 

Certainly.

First, let us define "plain."